In most of my classes, when I am teaching email etiquette and protocol, I tell them the stories of Larissa #1 and Larissa #2. Larissa #1 was a student of mine in the early 1990s, when I was teaching in the Writing and Critical Thinking program at Stanford University. She was raised by immigrants in a poor neighborhood in Los Angeles, and told me she was the first person on her block ever to even enroll at a university. Larissa #1 was super-smart but struggled in her first semester, when she took my class; her high-school studies had been less rigorous that what her wealthier peers could afford, so she had to catch up.
Toward the e
nd of the semester, and very late at night, after midnight, I received an email from Larissa #1. I forget what the subject header was, exactly, but I do remember that it conveyed frustration and anger. The tone startled me; this Larissa was very sweet and friendly. Before I clicked on the In Box link to open the email, I received another one, from Larissa. I *do* remember the subject header for that one: “Please don’t open my first email!”
I deleted the first email, unread, and immediately emailed Larissa #1 to tell her that I had done so. She wrote back, appearing to believe me, to say that she was relieved, that her first email was filled with venting at the deadline I had given for her next assignment.
Years later, in Vancouver, I myself wrote a poorly conceived email to a woman I am calling Larissa #2. There was nothing angry or defamatory in that email, but it revealed an intention I had, a hope, regarding a project the two of us were working on, prematurely. I wrote Larissa #2 a second email, asking her to delete the first one. She didn’t; she read it; this surprised me; our project eventually went off its rails.
I ask my students: Would *you* delete an email after receiving a second one requesting that you do so? I have asked this of more than a thousand students. Fewer than ten have said Yes. The rest have seemed to lament my lack of curiosity, but they get the point, forcefully: In the workplace, you cannot rely on the Golden Rule.
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(photo by Bob Basil)
